That’s a Dad Question

It would be interesting to keep up with exactly how many questions my children ask in a day. The question can be as simple as What’s for dinner? or What time do we need to leave? I can handle those. However, the question is more often along the lines of How exactly does a digital scale work? Why can’t you put metal in the microwave? or Why are magnets north-south instead of east-west? When it comes to the latter type of question my typical response is Hmm…that sounds like a Dad question.

How do you play the guitar? – Also a Dad question.

With children as inquisitive as mine are, it comes in handy to be married to a science teacher. I could try to give them an answer on my own. I might get some of it right. However, when they go to their dad, they are assured of getting an answer that is 100% correct. And he is always willing and ready to teach.

But what do you do when the questions are even tougher? Where do you go when late at night one of your children comes to you struggling with the concepts of eternity and death? What do I do with a question such as What is my purpose? What happens when I die? Why is there war?

And, yes, I have dealt with all of those questions and more in the past week alone.

 A Question for the Father

As thankful as I am to be able to direct my children’s science questions to their earthly father, I am even more thankful to be able to direct my children’s tougher questions to their heavenly Father.

I honestly don’t know how I could possibly raise my children without the Bible to guide me. I can not imagine dealing with their fears and questions without the Bible to turn to.

Your word is a lamp to my feet And a light to my path. Psalm 119:105

It’s one thing to walk through this life stumbling and groping for answers on your own, answers that may or may not be correct. It’s an entirely different thing to take your children on that path with you.

A Question of Truth

The first one of those tough questions came to me when my oldest child was six years old. She asked where her grandfather would be when he died. While I had the correct answer –  He’ll be in heaven with God – I realized with that question that my role as a mother includes more than loving my children and providing for their physical needs. My role requires answering the tough questions that are sure to arise.

In the face of those questions, I need to be able to answer my children with certainty. It is not enough to just give my best shot at the answers and hope they are correct. I need somewhere to go where I am assured of getting answers that are 100% correct. I need a source of truth.

Sanctify them in the truth; Your word is truth. John 17:17

These are times when the correct answer to the question comes only from the heavenly Father.

Be Prepared

The tough questions don’t come up on a daily basis. Most days are too busy for constant deep questions of eternity and purpose. However, the questions will come. They will come late at night or in the face of tragedy. We will at times be shaken from our daily thoughts into questions that are deeper. I need to be prepared to answer those questions.

Thankfully, I am not alone.

I don’t have to come up with an answer that I hope is correct. Instead, I can take my children to the Bible and let the heavenly Father answer those questions for us. He is always willing and ready to teach, and in His words are life and peace and truth. I can not imagine answering any one of those questions without Him.

Simon Peter answered Him, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have words of eternal life.” John 6:68


Personality Types

My oldest daughter is currently obsessed with the Myers-Briggs personality test. If you’re not familiar with this test, you can take an online version of the test here. There are four different areas in which you are categorized: Introvert/Extrovert, Intuitive/Sensing, Feeling/Thinking, and Judging/Perceiving, giving a total of 16 possible personality types. Last week my daughter requested that I take the test, and soon all five of us in the family had taken it. Here were our results:

  • Dad – ENTP
  • Mom – ISFJ
  • Laura Anne – INTP
  • Logan – INFP
  • Autumn – ESFJ

There really were no surprises. Laura Anne is most like her father. Autumn is most like me, and Logan is about half and half. I think that Laura Anne likes this test because it somehow quantifies what she often feels – that she and her sister are exact opposites (as are my husband and myself!).

So how does this group of people with such different personalities manage to still be a happy family?

The answer is that what we have in common is far greater than our personality differences.

We have a common love for each other, a common goal of desiring a happy family, and a common focus on walking through this life in a way that pleases the Lord.

We are of one mind.

“Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion, make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.”  Philippians 2:1-2

 We build each other up.

“Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Our words should ONLY be used to build each other up.

“Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29

We practice kindness and forgiveness.

“Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.”  Ephesians 4:32

We are not allowed to say bad things about each other nor intentionally cause strife.

“To malign no one, to be peaceable, gentle, showing every consideration for all men”. Titus 3:2

We treat each other the way we desire to be treated.

“Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.” Luke 6:31

Now do we practice all these concepts perfectly? Of course not. If you have siblings, children, a spouse, you know that is impossible. There are times I complain outwardly about my husband. There are times when one kid swipes at another in frustration. It’s summer. We’re together a lot, and there will be plenty of times that our personalities clash. However, we don’t let our differences serve as an excuse to ignore the principles that God has given us. He tells us how to treat each other – how He wants us to treat each other. To be pleasing to Him, we can not intentionally ignore what He says.

From personal experience, life is much more peaceful when we apply these principles. In the home, in the church, in life – God’s wisdom always wins.

He created each of us just as He desired us to be. Our differences are not an excuse to not get along. They are not an excuse to tear someone else down with our words. Our differences are necessary to glorify our heavenly Father as one complete body.

INTP? ESFJ? It doesn’t matter. You still have to be nice to your sister.

“But now God has placed the members, each one of them, in the body, just as He desired. If they were all one member, where would the body be?” 1 Corinthians 12:18-19


Mama Bear

 My children love to ask questions like If you were an animal, what would you be? Recently one of my children asked the others “What animal would Mom be?” Without hesitation my oldest child answered that Mom would be a bear. “What? A Bear?” I asked her. “Yes,” she said, “you know, like Mama Bear who doesn’t let anyone mess with her cubs.” I had never thought of myself as a bear, but a Mama Bear? Ok, yes, I’m ok with that. That describes how I feel about my children and my life, and I’m glad they know I will take care of them. But you know what?

Mama Bears get tired.

Changing Seasons

Some seasons are more tiring than others. Defending my cubs this year has been exhausting.

I hear Satan knocking at our door all the time. When we don’t open the door, He tries to sneak in through various means – media, friends, school. Sometimes we unintentionally bring him in ourselves.

I knew this year would be tough. My children are in three different schools and the oldest started middle school, but I didn’t realize just how challenging that would be. I am emotionally drained from trying to keep my children performing to their potential academically while still keeping them healthy physically and spiritually.

My oldest child went from receiving the top honor at her school in 6th grade to absolutely hating school in 7th grade. The words “I hate school” were uttered for the first time at my house – often by Mama Bear along with her weakened cub.

I have questioned whether this lifestyle is what God intended for us. It has been a struggle.

A Daily Fight

We lost our morning Bible time together due to the pull of getting three children to three different schools on time. This Mama Bear has fought all year for spiritual time with her cubs. Between working nights and various activities, it has been hard. I have tried several ideas which have failed. It is still a daily struggle.

I have began most days by praying that God would help me to see if this is the life He intends for us.

I’m still not sure.

My children have some amazing gifts. I struggle with how to help them best use those gifts.

My daughter took the ACT and scored only one point less than I did when I went to college. She’s twelve years old.

I don’t even know what to do with that.

I look at all the material and options that come her way, and I want to make sure she has chances to grow. The pride of life is a struggle (1 John 2:16). I fight Satan in my own self when I seek the safety of my daughter’s future in her academic abilities. That’s what Satan wants me to do. He wants me to focus on what this world can give her instead of making sure that she knows the One who created her and gave her those abilities. That’s how he sneaks in.

The school year is almost over, and I’m so thankful for a break. I want to reel my cubs in and spend some time nurturing and loving them in the safety of our home. We’ve had a lot of good in our year as well, but right now I’m just so tired of fighting off Satan.

I know it’s not over. Satan never takes a break – not even in summer. Another school year will loom ahead of us before we know it. What I will do with it, I don’t know yet. I have lots of praying to do.

Don’t Give Up

But Mama Bears don’t give up. We don’t lie down and let the predator have our cubs. We do what we have to do to protect our children. We make changes and adjustments as the needs of each season dictate. As Paul writes in 2 Corinthians,

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing;  persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;  2 Corinthians 4:8-9

I am tired, but I’m not giving up. And I’m not alone. My husband is with me, of course, but we both rely on the larger power of God to get us through.

Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you. James 4:7-10

I trust in God and His promises. He loves my children and wants them to know and love Him, too. He has done so much for us, and I know that He cares.

I have turned to God so many times during this year. I have humbled myself and shed many, many tears. Mostly I just pray “Please help me.” He promises to lift me up. He will help this Mama Bear defend her cubs. I know that He wants them safe as much as I do. Keeping my children out of Satan’s influence is an exhausting job, but it’s mine and my husband’s to do. I wouldn’t trust it to anyone else. And I would never, ever attempt it without God behind us.

Unless the LORD builds the house, They labor in vain who build it; Psalm 127:1